I preached my third sermon today at my new congregation and finally got more then a "good job." Actually what was said was "Pastor gotta talk with you about that sermon that you got wrong."

In about 10 minutes I'll be getting my hair done. Yesterday we had worship in the park but because the weather threatened to rain we ended up having services in a park shelter with a potluck to follow. As it was also my grandmother's 82nd birthday and I wanted to be at her party (3 hours away) I only stayed for a bit of the potluck and then I ran to my grandmother's.

For her birthday we ended up taking her to my dad's favorite restaurant and it was my aunt, 2 uncles, grandmother and myself. My aunt and uncle don't realize that the there are tricks to being with my grandmother. One of those tricks is taking her to limited, but familiar places. My aunt wanted us to go to an Italian restaurant that she thought my g'ma would find pretty but the thing is that with my g'ma she might find it pretty but she'll also spend all of her energy trying to figure out where she is and what's that noise and what are those people doing over there, and who are they, that she'll never get comfortable and then she'll keep repeating herself and no one will be comfortable.

My grandmother has vascular dimension a disease that people confuse with Alzheimer's. VD is a series of small strokes throughout the brain and manifest themselves in no short term memory. So while my grandmother can remember who her family is she can't "remember" where she is and what she's doing. But if we go some place familiar then she's more likely to feel comfortable about being there. As such I'm constantly fighting with my family to establish this with them. The thing is that before she had this condition she would have wanted to go some place new and see and experience something new so my family thinks that the way to make her happy (she was notoriously unhappy before the condition). But I know that the way to make her happy is to make her comfortable.

It was a hairy situation but after I got everyone on board we had a great evening. The restaurant that we went to is situated on the river and as if I had read the script my grandmother sat in a seat by the window and said, "I could sit and watch the river all day long" (something I knew she loved to do). We had a lovely meal (I had the salmon and shrimp cocktail) and most importantly my grandmother enjoyed herself.

http://weekendamerica.publicradio.org/display/web/2008/05/08/weekend_soundtrack/

If you follow this link, you'll get to hear my interview on the radio. For some damn reason I can't embed it.

When I was growing up junior high was my definition of hell (but then I went to the seminary). Then in my eighth grade ear I made friends with Z and for one glorious year I not only had Z, but I had Z's friends and her older brother G. Z and G's parents were famous mathematicians at the University and my mom was a single mom and a student. Apparently at some end of the year party someone stole a camera out of her parent's bedroom and without asking me or questioning me about it they just assumed it was me and I couldn't be her friend anymore. When high school started I was so excited to finally see Z again but she was aloof and we never really connected again. It wasn't until my senior year that she told me about the camera and I was floored. I had never stolen her parent's camera and as I said, they had never even given me a chance to defend myself. I was tried and convicted without evidence. All of these old friends of mine remain friends with one another and Z and G, but not me. I tried to send G an email but he didn't respond. I generally don't think about it, but sometimes I feel like going over to her dad's office and confronting him. They aren't religious people so I'm sure that they wouldn't care that I was a pastor and that my mom was working on her PhD, and I'm sure that they would never admit their wrong. But it would be nice to at least be given the chance to try my own case.

http://weekendamerica.publicradio.org/display/web/2008/03/28/spring/

(btw I tried to embed this so that you could click on it and hear the audio from LJ but I guess I did it wrong so you'll have to follow the link and listen to the story of G on the radio from the link above which I'm too lazy to format even though I'm willing to write about how I'm too lazy to do it).

And I love Bright Eyes. I can feel a little mellow and maybe a little down and listening to them makes me feel like I'm floating in a soft blue sea watching a bird circling in a sky full of soft white clouds.

Ever since I moved to Montana I've been dreading this day... moving day. Actually, it began before then when I moved from Minneapolis to St Paul and the seminary. It's not this particular move that I've been dreading, but the inevitability of another move. It's funny though, because I don't even know when that day's going to be except soon. I just know that I'll be moving again and leaving this place and everyone behind.

What's hard about living life this way is actually learning to live life this way. I struggle between making here easier verses making the move easier. What I mean is the debate of whether or not it's worth trying: trying to get to know the place and trying to get to know the people. When I moved to Montana I wanted to get to know the people, but they judged me pretty quickly and they thought that they knew me. When I moved to Alaska I was amazed how quickly I got to know the people and was integrated into the community. Moving back to St Paul was always an experience as I was never really integrated into the community in the first place so no one ever seemed to miss me.

And then I moved "here". I'm from this part of Iowa so one might call it home but I've never lived in this community before. When I came here I didn't know how long I was going to stay but I knew that I would be moving. On one hand I don't want to start relationships that'll have to end: I come with an expiration date. But on the other hand I'm sick of living this way. It makes me feel like I'm living for tomorrow and not today.

Frankly living this way only serves to keep me in my safe shell. It's become easier for me to assert my work personae than I am at the personal personae. Therefore, justifying not trying to get to know others becomes just another justification.

So I joined a church (and I'm on the verge of planning an ordination!) and I started volunteering in the community and in politics. I haven't made as many friends here as I did in Alaska (evidence by the fact that if I don't plan it then nothing happens), but I've still made some. I've made enough connections here that it'll be bitter sweet to leave. This time I wont just be leaving Iowa, but a little piece of home.

This is a modified recipe that I got from Gourmet magazine:

1/4 cup plain bread crumbs
3 T paprika
2 T freshly grated black pepper
2 T kosher salt
2 T Mrs Dash
2 T garlic powder
1 T ground mustard
2.5 tp cayenne
2.5 tp dried thyme

4 4-oz Salmon fillets

Cooking spray
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I've been spending a lot of time with my grandmother and in fact I think it's one of the reasons that the Lord has me here at this time doing what I'm doing. While I still have anxiety about employment and I struggle with the on again, off again desire to move away from home (bright lights! big city!) one of the reasons I struggle is because of my grandmother and her impending demise.

My grandmother didn't have an easy life and without the benefit of feminism and Oprah Winfrey she didn't have much of a choice. After most of her children had grown and she finally entered the workforce she said the world opened up for her and ever after she always loved working. And undoubtedly it's from her that both my mother and I have earned such a strong work ethic and the freedom that it gives a women. But like me she struggled with having a place where she belonged. It always seemed she was under a slightly gray cloud because she was never quite happy enough where she was. After she split from my grandfather she moved to Florida but after only a handful of years she moved back because she missed her family and back and forth she went from there.

I have always been close to my grandmother because as a single mother my mom relied upon the help of her mother in order to give her time to achieve the things she needed to. This was fine with me because I adored my grandmother who as she says, "loved to dress me up and take me places." That said it was true that there were sort of two sides of me, there was the side that allowed her grandmother to dress her as she pleased and was very sweet and well behaved and then there was the slightly disheveled and rebellious me that read a lot of books with her mother.
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No more crashing from page to page. No more "thinking, thinking, thinking" every time I try to type a letter. No more crashing from application to application, "Send Report to Mac?" Yesterday I picked up my new and fancy MacBook. Actually this is the first new computer I've ever owned. In the past I've always received my mom's handmedown's or as in the case of my iMac I bought it used from M. I'm so excited to learn some of the new applications on my new baby. I've already been shooting little videos with its camera. Tres cool.

I just found this really cool website called Fullness of Faith. It has all of these "indie" Orthodox things like a t-shirt with the logo, "Hummus is the new peanutbutter," or a logo with a black alb and the phrase, "the man in black." Check it ou.

Battlestar Galactica Season 3.0 spoiler
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